Where do you go first?

Hello friends.  My husband has been gone about a week now and while I can't say exactly how many we still have to go, it's a lot.  My heart has been all over the place for the last week...I've cried a lot, been a little angry that my love has to be away, and been reminded that we're blessed it's only 7-8 months and not the 12, 14, 18 months that many other military couples deal with.  I've faced alternating spouts of incredible inspiration when I think of all the things I can accomplish on a day-to-day basis and throughout the coming months, and periods of incredible lack of motivation where even making breakfast is just too much effort.

Pretty pathetic at times, I have to admit.  But last week God gave me a very clear glimpse of at least one thing He wants me to learn during this time.  I was sitting on the couch, crying and feeling sorry for myself, and decided I wanted to write a letter to my husband.  It would be theraputic, I thought, to share with him what I was feeling and to tell him how much I loved him.  As I glanced over to where my stationary was, my eyes fell on my Bible and I knew that God was asking me to come to him first. 

You see, it's not that God wants me to not think about my husband, or to pretend it doesn't matter that I'm living without him for an extended period of time, and I'm sure God wants me to be encouraging to my husband as much as I can, be it through letters, packages, prayers, or whatever, and I think it's even okay that I find comfort in hearing from him, sporadic as it may be.  But God wants me first to come to Him.  And last week, as I was journaling, I wrote the following:

Truthfully, I'd rather be writing to my husband right now [than to You] and I'd definitely rather be sharing conversation with him.  I'm sorry God.  I know I need to long for you first but You gave him to me to love...I want my husband, my love, here with me.  I know You're here, but it's awful quiet and lonely here in this house...I need to hear Your voice and know You're here with me.  It needs to be enough.

That's all well and good while I'm having my quiet time, sipping my vanilla latte and enjoying some time away from the house, but what about when I come home?  Let's take this beyond coffee.  On a daily basis, I have to go to the Lord first.  It seems so simple when I say it.  But that means that before I plop on the couch and wallow in self pity, I have to come to the Lord.  Before I write a letter to my husband, or journal about how sad I am, I have to come to the Lord.  And before I call a friend or family member to chat and fill the silence, I have to come to the Lord.

Matthew 6:33 says this,

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

In context, it may not be talking about comfort, but I know that in seeking the Lord first, He will give me comfort.  And last week, He also gave me phone calls from my husband.

Seek Him first.  Go ahead.  Just try it.