Where do you go first?

Hello friends.  My husband has been gone about a week now and while I can't say exactly how many we still have to go, it's a lot.  My heart has been all over the place for the last week...I've cried a lot, been a little angry that my love has to be away, and been reminded that we're blessed it's only 7-8 months and not the 12, 14, 18 months that many other military couples deal with.  I've faced alternating spouts of incredible inspiration when I think of all the things I can accomplish on a day-to-day basis and throughout the coming months, and periods of incredible lack of motivation where even making breakfast is just too much effort.

Pretty pathetic at times, I have to admit.  But last week God gave me a very clear glimpse of at least one thing He wants me to learn during this time.  I was sitting on the couch, crying and feeling sorry for myself, and decided I wanted to write a letter to my husband.  It would be theraputic, I thought, to share with him what I was feeling and to tell him how much I loved him.  As I glanced over to where my stationary was, my eyes fell on my Bible and I knew that God was asking me to come to him first. 

You see, it's not that God wants me to not think about my husband, or to pretend it doesn't matter that I'm living without him for an extended period of time, and I'm sure God wants me to be encouraging to my husband as much as I can, be it through letters, packages, prayers, or whatever, and I think it's even okay that I find comfort in hearing from him, sporadic as it may be.  But God wants me first to come to Him.  And last week, as I was journaling, I wrote the following:

Truthfully, I'd rather be writing to my husband right now [than to You] and I'd definitely rather be sharing conversation with him.  I'm sorry God.  I know I need to long for you first but You gave him to me to love...I want my husband, my love, here with me.  I know You're here, but it's awful quiet and lonely here in this house...I need to hear Your voice and know You're here with me.  It needs to be enough.

That's all well and good while I'm having my quiet time, sipping my vanilla latte and enjoying some time away from the house, but what about when I come home?  Let's take this beyond coffee.  On a daily basis, I have to go to the Lord first.  It seems so simple when I say it.  But that means that before I plop on the couch and wallow in self pity, I have to come to the Lord.  Before I write a letter to my husband, or journal about how sad I am, I have to come to the Lord.  And before I call a friend or family member to chat and fill the silence, I have to come to the Lord.

Matthew 6:33 says this,

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

In context, it may not be talking about comfort, but I know that in seeking the Lord first, He will give me comfort.  And last week, He also gave me phone calls from my husband.

Seek Him first.  Go ahead.  Just try it.

Despair

My husband will be deploying within the next week and we've selected a devotional book to read through together, Streams in the Desert, by L.B. Cowman.  I've been quite emotional lately in anticipation of my husband's departure, so yesterday's entry was more than appropriate.  If you have time, take a moment to read through Psalm 27. 

I know that the coming weeks will be difficult, but I don't believe I'm going to fall apart while my husband is gone.  It's true that he'll be in a place that doesn't seem as safe as here on our little island, and it's true that we will most likely have very little contact with each other.  It's also true that he'll likely be put in situations that are potentially very dangerous.  Did you notice anything in those last few sentences?  I don't actually know anything that will happen.  So, I can either worry about what I don't know or choose to trust in the Lord, who I do know. 

When David was depairing, he didn't try to keep his mind occupied and just not think about it.  He didn't become overwhelmed with worry, though he certainly struggled with it at times.  But neither was he in denial about his life circumstances.  The answer he demonstrates in Psalm 27 is this: "Wait for the Lord; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord."

Our Lord is in control of all.  Either you believe it or you don't, but that's what we learn in His word.  As for me, I believe and trust in Him.  And that's why I can let my husband go away and know that his life will be protected.  Whether he is here in Hawaii, on the mainland working a desk job, or in the desert protecting his fellow countrymen, the Lord will not allow him to depart from this life a minute sooner (or later) than He wills (Psalm 139:16)

These truths, that we can wait on (or lean on) the Lord to be our help in times of distress, and that he is fully in control of our lives (and our death!), have the potential to be life-changing.  So, let's take this beyond coffee.  In what ways can you attempt to apply these truths to the way you view and live life?  In what specific circumstances might God be asking you to wait for [Him]?  As for me, I'm going to continue meditating on these verses and seeking out ways to demonstrate trust in the Lord in every situation . . . and so should you!

Life is a kayak

My husband and I recently returned from a brief trip to Kauai, one of our neighbor-islands.  We had a great time hiking, ziplining, photo-taking, sunbathing and...wait for it...kayaking.  Though it was not our first time on a kayak, we went through the little paddle-training time with our guide before getting in the water.  The person in front has one responsibility: constant, steady strokes - just keep it going.  The person in back, though they also help provide speed, is entirely in charge of steering.  Sounds simple enough, right?  Boy did I have trouble.

You see, the 'front position' is not for the strong-willed.  Over and over again I noticed that our little kayak was going in what I felt was the wrong direction.  Sometimes I felt we were about to run into something, like another kayak, a tree, a rock.  And every time I took a break from my steady paddling to let my husband know about the impending danger.  Every time he responded, "I see it, Love". It finally occured to me that I was making things a little difficult for him.  In order for our kayak trip to be successful, we both needed to play our roles, me in front being a constant paddler, and my hubby in back, watching out for us, steering us in the direction he felt was best.

Marriage requires this same skill - I have to step back and let my husband lead us, even if I might sometimes doubt his abilities or his awareness of our surroundings (sorry babe, but I'm a sinner, what can I say?).  Sometimes, as we splash around in the river of life, we're hit by each other's sin.  Sometimes by accident and other times intentionally.

Regardless of whether or not you're married , there's a lesson here for all of us.  Life is a bit like a kayak, or at least life with the Lord is.  It works best when we, as His children, just do what we're told.  The difficulty comes in trusting Him to take care of us.  We have to trust that He sees where we are, knows where we're going, and has the ability to get us there in one piece.  And then we have to just let him do His job and stop interfering.  It's not our job to question, though in His loveingkindness He's very patient when we do (and, praise God, so is my hubby!).  Our job is to do as we're told, and to let God do the rest.

Let's take this beyond coffee. Do you have difficulty trusting the Lord (or, for your wives, your husbands) to lead you?  Do you truly believe that He will anticipate and care for your every need?  Sometimes I feel like Jeremiah 29:11  is a bit overused.  But it IS true.  Take comfort in knowing that the God steering your life is one who knows the end and who has your best interests at heart.

'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.